As the days on the calendar slowly get marked out, I realize that I have a little less than a month left before a lot of things I thought I knew are going to change. Everything that I have come to expect and understand through my twenty-two years weighs more than I ever thought it would. Had you asked me about my trip a few months ago I would have thrown back an idealistic comment about adventure and excitement. These days they sound a lot like a tape being stopped, rewound and played, assuring family and friends alike that I am fully confident, headstrong and without a fear in the world.
Don’t worry I’m not having a single second thought or regret. Rather as my days at home (both house and country) slip by me before I can look up and acknowledge them, I find myself considering what I will truly miss.
However before this becomes too melancholy, I’ll put you in my shoes and let you decide for yourself. The process for applying to the Peace Corps took several months. Once I received final confirmation and booked my ticket, I began the task of putting my life on hold. This is somewhat similar to hitting the brakes on a speeding truck on the highway. You can either jump out and watch as your sudden absence causes a major accident (sure they will clean it up and life will go one; but people will be pissed) or you can put your entire weight on the brakes and hope that everything will be okay.
I’ve spent the last few weeks doing some of the more tedious but nonetheless important stuff. Writing resignation letters, returning issued gear and even canceling my gym membership. I have yet to figure out what I’m going to do about my phone. I have already gone snowboarding, dressed up for Halloween, eaten a Thanksgiving dinner and visited William and Mary for the last time. However the hardest tasks I’ve found are the ones involving people.
When it comes to my close friends and family, ones who’s faces are ingrained in my memory and my actions through countless hours of doing absolutely nothing, it’s a bit more difficult. A month ago I promised myself that I would spend as much time as I could visiting them and with all that exposure I was sure not to miss them. Now that I have twenty-four days left to go I sadly realize that I have already said some of my last goodbyes. Without knowing it I have put on hold connections with people who have in one way or another made me who I am today. Often when I’m not busy my mind will float away back to memories of good times and come crashing down with the burden of their loss. I have scrambled to stretch every last day and prayed for the second hand on the clock to move just a bit slower but I suppose the steady march of time is an inevitability of life.
My parents and family, who have always been a life line and safe harbor, are probably going to be my most monumental loss. Seeing my mother’s face and knowing that my departure date is around the corner stops me every time.
At first all these realizations shocked me but it has slowly turned into a grim but solid acceptance and a measured look towards the future. Things will change but with my lasts will slowly come my firsts. I will make new friends (not to replace but rather add), start new work and have a hundred new and fantastic experiences. I hope to learn how to play a Nicaraguan guitar, climb some volcanoes and swim at beaches that are only known by locals. I find solace in these facts and the thought that after this great adventure, I will return. Places will be different and people will change. I can bitterly come to terms with that. I hope through the process of hitting the brakes rather than bailing from the truck, I will have saved more than a few of those relationships.
Anyways I promise that future posts will be more upbeat and exciting. In the mean time I’m not sure how much access I will have to the internet when I’m abroad but for now the best way to get in touch with me then is through my email: nish.kishore@gmail.com.
Cheers
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